


House of Memories

by kingquentin



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Minor Quentin Coldwater/Alice Quinn, Resurrection, post 4x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26081710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingquentin/pseuds/kingquentin
Summary: They were going to get Quentin back. All they had to do was face his best and worst memories of them, as a group. Simple enough, right?
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater & Alice Quinn, Quentin Coldwater & Julia Wicker, Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Comments: 107
Kudos: 237





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco.  
>  _Those thoughts of past lovers  
>  They'll always haunt me  
> I wish I could believe  
> You'd never wrong me  
> Then will you remember  
> Me in the same way  
> As I remember you_

Eliot wasn’t sure who made the final breakthrough. Everyone had been walking on eggshells around him ever since he came back from being possessed. Especially so after they told him that Quentin had died. He missed out on most of the early discussions, research sessions, and actual planning. He was absent for pretty much everything, now that he thought about it. All he knew was that Margo stormed into his room one day and firmly told him that they were going to get their boy back. 

It seemed like he had only blinked and then suddenly here he was, standing in front of Hades, god of the dead and king of the Underworld. If asked about it later, he wouldn’t have been able to relay the steps that the group had taken to get this far. He could barely focus on what was going on in front of him, his heart was beating so wildly. All he could think was that, literally god willing, he might see Quentin again soon. He caught just bits and pieces of the conversation as Julia pleaded with Hades for a chance to retrieve Quentin from the afterlife. Whatever she said must have been very convincing, because it seemed to actually be working. 

“Really?” she asked, surprised, causing Eliot to tune back in. “You’re going to let us take him back with us?” 

Hades sighed. “Only because I have the misfortune of knowing the lot of you. I’ve met versions of you from other timelines and I’ve heard all about your escapades from Penny Adiyodi.” Kady perked up at the mention of their timeline’s Penny. “Well, the 40th Penny Adiyodi, that is.” Hades eyed Twenty-Three. “I know that none of you are the type to give up, and quite frankly that sounds exhausting to deal with. Besides,” Hades turned his gaze back to Julia. “My wife had a soft spot for you. Granted, it was a soft spot that cost her her life,” his gaze hardened, “but my Persephone would not want any harm to come to you. If she were still here she would want me to do this. So I’ll allow it, for her sake.” 

“Thank you,” Julia said quietly and guiltily. “If I’d known what would’ve happened, I never would have called for her.”  
  
“It wasn’t your fault. It was the Monster’s and his sister’s. And Quentin took care of them, so I suppose I owe it to him as well.” Hades turned to face the group at large. “I’m allowing you one chance to bring him back to the land of the living, but it won’t be easy.” 

Margo sighed audibly and asked “Is anything ever fucking easy?” 

“In order to get him back,” Hades continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted, “you must relive the best and worst memories that Quentin Coldwater has of you.” 

“Why can’t we just grab him and go?” Margo interrupted again, hands on her hips. 

“You’re lucky I’m being as generous as I am. I could make things much more interesting.” 

“I really don’t want to know what _that’s_ supposed to mean,” Eliot muttered. 

“You’ve all done that ridiculous little sing-along spell, so you must be fans of music. I could make it so that you heard a song that portrays how he _truly_ feels about you playing during his memories of each of you, if you’d like.” 

“No thank you! We’re good with the standard package,” Julia responded. “When can we start?” 

“Immediately. And only three of you will be going.” 

“You could’ve led with that,” Margo sassed. “So, how do we pick the unlucky sons of bitches?” 

“I’ve already decided. Julia Wicker, Alice Quinn, and Eliot Waugh will face this trial together.” Hades looked at each of them in turn. “The three that have had the most polarizing effects on Quentin’s life.”  
  
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Eliot asked. 

“It means y’all have the most extreme memories, the happiest and the worst shit,” Twenty-Three said. 

Alice rolled her eyes. “Let’s just get this started, okay? We can argue semantics later.” 

“You know, I was about to be pissed that I don’t get to help haul Q’s ass out of the afterlife, but I guess this means most of his memories with me are good,” Margo smirked. 

“Yeah, maybe not _all_ of us were dicks to him,” Kady sent a pointed look in Twenty-Three’s direction. 

“ _As I was saying_ ,” Hades continued loudly, “you will face this trial together. You will witness Quentin’s memories of each of you as a group.” 

“What?” Eliot asked, nerves already shot to hell. He had hated reliving his own memories to begin with, but especially with an audience, even though the friends who witnessed them were just memories themselves. “Memories are kind of a private thing. Why can’t we just watch them on our own?” 

Julia reached for his arm. “Maybe let’s not question the god who’s so kindly letting us get our friend back, okay?” Eliot could tell that she was nervous as well. Quentin hadn’t told him everything that happened between them during his and Julia’s rough patch, but he had seen enough outside of that bodega back at the very beginning to know that whatever Quentin’s worst memory with Julia was couldn’t be great. 

“You’ll see the best and worst memory of each person in order of who had the biggest impact on him. Each memory will lead directly into the next. At the end, Quentin will decide for himself if he wishes to come with you. If he chooses not to, you’ll return to the mortal realm and stay there. You will not have another chance,” Hades turned and started walking away, expecting to be followed. 

Margo came forward and grabbed Eliot’s hand. “You can do this, okay?” she said, putting a hand on his cheek as he turned to face her. “You’re not gonna fuck it up.” She knew him so well.  
  
“What if I do, Bambi?” he asked quietly. “What if he doesn’t wanna come back with us?” Eliot had been told the story. How Quentin had just stopped running. That he didn’t actually have to die. 

“You won’t. And he will.” she said firmly. “It’s _Quentin_. There’s no way you’d let yourself cock out when his life is on the line.” She stood on the tips of her toes to kiss him on the cheek. “Now go get our boy back.” 

Eliot looked at her gratefully before following Julia and Alice. He had no idea what could possibly be ahead of them, but at least he had two of Quentin’s favorite people with him if he couldn’t have his own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comment that Hades makes about forcing them to listen to songs that describe how Q really feels about each of them is what originally inspired this fic. It randomly popped into my mind when I was falling asleep one night, and voila! Here we are. I decided not to include the music because that would've just pushed it into crack territory, imo. But I'll leave you with the songs that would've played if I had let Hades be a troll.
> 
> Julia: Friends by E^ST  
> Alice: Tell Me How by Paramore  
> Eliot: All I Want by Kodaline
> 
> Let's see if I actually manage to continue this. Thanks as always to James and Sarah (and Eliot as well!) for the encouragement and letting me yell about my dumb ideas.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @kingquentin!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to clarify that in the previous chapter I meant the person who had the biggest impact on Quentin would be last. I wasn’t sure if I worded it confusingly. The memories in italics are taken straight from the show. I apologize in advance for there being more bad memories than good. It just be like that.
> 
> I probably should've spent more time on this and incorporated more of the later seasons into it, but, as always. I do all of my writing in the middle of the night and then just yeet it onto the internet before I give myself time to think about it.

The trio passed through a doorway, and as it shut behind them, Quentin’s memories manifested. Visions of him and Alice sprang to life around them.

“Wait a second,” Eliot said. 

“I’m first?” Alice asked in disbelief. 

Eliot felt nauseous. He didn’t think he could stomach seeing Quentin’s happiest memories of Alice, not with the knowledge that he’d chosen her once again so fresh. 

The visions quickly changed from one to another. There were scenes of the pair studying in the library, spending time together quietly in the common room of the Physical Kids Cottage, and in other areas around campus. Alice, Julia, and Eliot could only catch little snippets of conversation within each memory. 

Julia looked between the memory Alice and the real one. “Maybe the first person had the biggest impact on him?” 

“No,” Alice said, shaking her head as she watched her past play out before her. “That wouldn’t make any sense. Why would it go in descending order?” 

“And we’re getting the greatest hits out of the way first. _That’s_ great _._ ” Eliot said, trying for nonchalance. It didn’t work. 

“Julia I can understand, you were friends since you were little kids. But how did _Eliot_ have more of an affect on Quentin’s life than I did? Q and I were _together_.” Alice looked at Eliot accusingly, as if he had an explanation for her. Which, of course, he did, but it wasn’t one that he would ever give willingly or easily. He had a bad feeling that Alice and Julia would find out for themselves soon enough, though, regardless of what he wanted. Or maybe the look she shot him was due to the fact that he’d played a starring role in the tumultuous ending of her and Quentin’s relationship. 

As they talked, Quentin’s memories of Alice were continuously depicted. Quentin and Alice were on the roof during the trials, joking and trying to soothe each other’s nerves, and then Alice was kissing him for the first time at Brakebills South. 

Julia made a face. “I really hope these memories stay PG…” 

Abruptly, the memories settled around them. 

It was nighttime, and Alice and Quentin were sitting against Alice’s headboard, her blankets over their legs. Quentin reached over the side of the bed to grab a book from his satchel. Alice smiled when she saw that it was _The World In The Walls_. 

“Again?” she asked, a teasing tone to her voice. 

Quentin looked at her and shrugged sheepishly. “It’s my favorite,” he said. 

“Pass it here.” Alice held her hands out for the book. 

“Seriously? I thought you weren’t interested in reading fantasy novels.” 

“It’s a really big part of your life. If it’s important to you, I want to try to enjoy it with you.” Alice said. Quentin grinned as he passed her the book, settling in to read over her shoulder as she got comfortable. They had stayed up almost all night reading together. It was something Alice had almost forgotten, with everything that happened after. 

“That’s it?” The real Alice said. “That…. _That_ was Quentin’s _best memory_ of me? Just sitting around doing nothing?” 

Julia moved closer to Alice in the hopes of soothing her, as Alice continued to watch the pair read. “The past few years have been crazy, especially when you were together.” Alice shot her a severe look. “That didn’t come out right,” Julia said quietly, holding her hands out placatingly. “I meant that the two of you got together during a really rough time. It’s honestly amazing _any_ of us have good recent memories. Besides, you know how important Fillory was to him. Of course it would make a guest appearance. You weren’t doing nothing, you were sharing his favorite thing in the world.” 

Alice didn’t look convinced. She hugged her arms around her middle, looking anywhere but at the other people in the room with her. “I’m sure he’ll have loads of great ones with _you.”_

“It’s like you said. Childhood best friend privilege. And at _least_ two-thirds of our memories will have something to do with Fillory.” 

“And what about Eliot?” 

Everything went black as if whatever room or realm they were in were resetting itself. Eliot was thankful for the distraction from having to answer Alice’s question. His relief was short-lived.. 

_“Are you in love with me?” “I, uh, I don’t know.” Quentin stammered. “Even if you fell down on your knees and proclaimed your, you know... I’d know it wasn’t really_ you. _I think we need to spend some time apart so we know what’s real and what’s fox.” Alice said, ushering Quentin out of her room._

Eliot closed his eyes. _Great_ , he thought guiltily. _Everyone Q falls in love with tries to tell him he’s wrong about how he feels._ That was a heartrending train of thought he didn’t want to follow. All he could do was hope that his own worst memory ranked fairly low on Quentin’s scale. 

_Quentin and Alice stood before Woof Fountain at night._ “ _Why did you think you had to save me? Fuck you, Quentin! You had no_ _idea what I was doing. I was so close, and now he’s gone!_ ” 

_Quentin followed Alice out of Margo’s room, struggling to get his shirt back on. He tried to get her to stop and let him explain. Alice yelled at him before slapping him and rushing away._

“You hit him?” Eliot asked in disbelief as Julia winced.  


Alice glared at him. “You don’t get to be angry with me over how I reacted to my boyfriend cheating on me with you.” 

Eliot opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by the next memory. 

_“Oh, and you both need to climax at the same time. That gonna be a problem?”  
“No,” Quentin said, at the same time that Alice nervously said, “Well…”_

_  
The pair sat in Alice’s bed, arguing about their sex life. “Apparently you can’t, you know, with me. Not that you’d ever said that to my face.” “Yeah, well, maybe you should pay better attention when we’re having sex.”_

Julia put her face in her hands. “I really, _really_ don’t need to know all of this.” 

Eliot felt nauseous again. He didn’t want to think about Quentin and Alice having sex, past or present. Especially not in the future. He’d like to go through the rest of his life never thinking of it. 

Alice looked uncomfortable as well. Even through his own discomfort, Eliot had some sympathy for her. She wasn’t the type to happily discuss anything in her private life, especially not what went on in her bedroom, and certainly not with two people she wasn’t particularly close to. 

_Alice’s blood curdling screams were all that could be heard as the blue flames consumed her, Quentin watching from the ground in agony._

_Niffin Alice appeared at Brakebills South in a blue storm of fury, screeching as she tried to break through the wards locking the cage around her. “Quentin!” she roared. “I’ll burn you alive for this!”_

The memory changed one final time. 

_“Shut up! Shut up! The sound of your voice, your breath, your body, your mind, your weakness, I can’t stand it.”_ _Niffin Alice spat at Quentin, looming over him in her rage as his nose started to bleed._

No one spoke as the memory faded. 

“Jesus,” Julia said, breaking the silence. 

  
“You don’t get to judge me,” Alice said, lip wobbling in a rare show of weakness. “You of all people don’t get to judge me.”

“I wasn’t. I did a lot of bad shit when I didn’t have my Shade. I know that wasn’t you. _Quentin_ knew that wasn’t really you.” 

Alice inhaled shakily. “Q’s never held any of the horrible things we’ve done to him against us. Ever. I don’t know how he does it.” 

“Yeah, well, he’s a much better person than we are.” Eliot said, voice strangled. He couldn’t imagine how Quentin must have felt having a perverse version of the woman he loved screaming all of his insecurities in his face. 

“I’m just glad it’s over,” Alice said, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down. "That fucking sucked." 

“Not so upset about being first, now, are you?” Julia tried to joke, but her worry was evident. 

“Well, at least I get to get this over with next,” Eliot said. “There’s no way I’d be last.” _God, he hoped he wasn’t last._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t remember if the show ever explicitly stated when Alice read the Fillory books, so I just went ahead and tried to turn it into a sweet moment. I think Q's best memories would all be quiet, intimate moments with the people he loves most. If they did give details about when Alice read them, oh well, this is an AU anyway! Canon? I don’t know her.


	3. Chapter 3

“What the fuck,” Julia said as Quentin’s happiest memories of her came to life around them, cycling through what seemed like every single heartfelt hug they’d had throughout the years. Eliot’s heart felt like it sank to the pit of his stomach. Deep in his bones he’d known that he would be last, but he’d hoped it wouldn’t be true.

Alice and Julia both looked at him in confusion. 

“I don’t understand,” Alice said, tilting her head as she studied Eliot. “How could you possibly have had more of an impact on Q than _Julia?_ She’s known him his entire life.” 

“I _could_ explain,” he said, swallowing nervously, “but unfortunately for me, we’ll get to see all of that together soon, so. Let’s table that conversation for now?” 

Quentin and Julia were children dressed in costumes, bouncing around excitedly and discussing their plot theories as they waited to purchase the newest Harry Potter book. 

“Did he feel like he was cheating on Fillory?” Eliot asked. 

“Yes, he absolutely did,” Julia laughed. “He still loved it, though. But you should’ve seen his face when he tried reading Narnia for the first time.” 

Quentin and Julia were adults, drunkenly dancing in a stairwell, managing to have a great time together even though they were desperate to get magic back. 

“And here I thought Q’s Cirque du Soleil dance was bad,” Eliot chuckled at Quentin’s endearingly bad moves. 

Alice snorted. “I forgot he tried that for the niffin bait spell. I was actually there for that.” She smiled fondly. “His terrible dancing was really good at cheering me up when I was down.” 

  
_“Jules, this is our quest. And we’re already on it.”_

They were children again, even younger this time, Julia handing him a copy of The World In The Walls for the very first time. “You _have_ to read this, it’s my favorite!” 

_“I mean, let’s be honest, you deserve this.” “Why me?” “Life is unfair, but I’m good with it occasionally working out for people that I actually love,” Quentin grinned. “Our Lady of the Tree.”_

_“I love you, Jules,” Quentin said as they embraced. “I love you, too,” Julia replied solemnly._

They were in Julia’s childhood dining room, child versions of herself and Quentin laying under the table. They had spent hours drawing out their own version of a map of Fillory, talking the entire time about the trip they’d take there one day as if it would actually happen. If only they could have known back then that they really would. It was one of Julia’s fondest memories, one of the first times she had felt truly understood, and she knew in her heart that it was the same for Quentin. 

_“You want me to come to Fillory with you,”_ her older self said. 

And with that, Julia knew exactly what Quentin’s best memory of her would be. She should’ve known. A childhood dream fulfilled. 

_“You ready, Janey?” “Why, yes, Martin, I think I am.” Quentin and Julia ran across the street holding hands, following Jane Chatwin through the phone booth and out of the clock tree._

_“Oh my god,” Julia said. “Q, Q, look,” she pointed at the castle in the distance, and they both laughed in disbelief. They’d really done it. They were in Fillory, together, the land they’d spent their entire childhoods dreaming of. They stood for a moment just gazing at Castle Whitespire._

“I can’t believe it,” Quentin said, voice wobbling with emotion. “We’re really here.” Julia could only giggle in response as she looked back at her oldest friend. 

“And I know it’s, like, not the best circumstances, but I - I’m _really_ fucking glad that you’re here with me, Julia.” He looked at her so earnestly, with wide eyes and a trembling smile. “There’s no one else I’d rather do this with.” 

How else could she respond to that but to hug him fiercely? 

The memory faded away. 

“See?” Julia said, a little choked up. “I told you most of them would be about Fillory somehow.” She tried to subtly wipe the tears from her eyes. 

“You did,” Alice said, moving closer to comfort Julia with a hand on her shoulder. “I’m glad you got to see Fillory for the first time together. I was so furious with him then, but all I could think about was how unfair it was that he might not get to see it.” 

Eliot cringed. It seemed like there would be no respite from talk of the threesome. He started to wonder if that would be one of Quentin’s worst memories of him, but quickly focused back on the conversation. It was too painful to contemplate. 

Julia smiled. “He wanted to be a king of Fillory so badly, and he actually got to do it.” 

Eliot couldn’t help but think of what a pity it was that Quentin never got the chance to properly _be_ a king. He had the title, the crown, and the throne, but with everything that had happened throughout the years they’d known each other, he never managed to spend more than a short amount of time in Fillory each time he went. He had overheard talk of how disenchanted Quentin had gotten with Fillory while Eliot was possessed. That, too, was too painful and unfair to think about. 

“God,” Julia said as memories began to play around them again. “I’m really not ready for this.” Eliot reached down to take her hand, squeezing it in solidarity. She looked at him gratefully. 

_“No! You have to stop!” “Stop what?” “You can’t run away hard enough, can you? What happened to giving up on the Fillory crap?”_

_“I wanted to see the fireworks. I really did.” “Wait. How did you know they were fireworks?” “What?” “If you couldn’t see them, how did you know they were fireworks?” “You told me.” “I never said the word ‘fireworks’, Julia. What’s going on here?” Julia’s face seemed to glitch between a neutral expression and maniacal laughter. “Okay, did nobody see that?” “See what?” “You laughing at me.” “Laughing at you? What kind of a friend would do that?” “Exactly.”_

“Wait, when was that?” Alice asked. “I don’t remember that.”  
  
“He didn’t tell you?” Julia asked, and Alice shook her head. 

“It was right after you left, before Fogg convinced you to come back to Brakebills.” Eliot filled her in. “God, Q,” he said under his breath. “You really never wanted anyone to get mad at the people you loved, even when they wronged you.” Alice looked at him curiously for a moment before returning her attention to Quentin’s memories. 

_Quentin and Julia argued about magic, Brakebills, and his old feelings for her outside of Marina’s safehouse._

Quentin was a teenager laying in a hospital bed, Julia clutching his hand and sobbing, telling him how much she loved him. They didn’t need to hear his thoughts to know that he hated himself for causing her so much pain. 

Julia had barely recovered from reliving that as Quentin’s worst memory of her began to play. She felt like she had been doused with cold water. 

_“I don’t understand. You have a new weapon to kill Reynard?” Quentin asked as they walked across campus._

“I can’t do this,” she said desperately, putting her face in her hands as she turned away. 

“Hades said we had to watch. We have to face the memories. If we don’t, we lose our chance to get him back.” Alice pointed out, trying valiantly to be both direct and soothing. 

Julia brought her eyes back to the scene before her, lip trembling. Eliot held her hand again. He had no idea what was coming, but he knew she’d need the support, especially since the memory dealt with the trickster. 

_“No, you do.” “I do what?” “You have a nuclear bomb inside of you.” “Wait, Alice?” “I talked to her. She’s a killing machine right now. Tell her you wanna make a deal. She kills Reynard, she’s free.” “No.” Julia pushed him beyond the wards and he fell to the ground as Reynard approached. “Do it, or we all die right here, right now, Q.” Quentin watched Reynard in terror as he taunted Julia. “It’s not like you to hide behind wards, Julia. Come face me.” “Face him first.” “Mmm. Even with that…_ thing _inside of him, he’s nowhere near as interesting as you. But I’ll make due.” Reynard grabbed Quentin by the hair, an arm around his throat. “Let me out, I’ll kill him.” Niffin Alice growled, ready to pounce and kill. “No,” he said, turning his gaze to Julia and pleading her name. Julia blinked and tilted her head, approaching the wards before Kady grabbed her arm. Penny broke through them in time to be frozen by Reynard’s magic, as Niffin Alice again yelled to be let out and told him that he’d waited too long. Reynard continued to taunt Julia until John approached, and the memory faded._

“I just…. I never even thought about the consequences. He could’ve gotten hurt, he could’ve _died_ , he _would_ have if John hadn’t-” 

“It wasn’t _you_ , Julia. You didn’t have your Shade.” Eliot said, throat tight. He had no idea this had happened. Even when they’d talked about their traumas at the mosaic, Quentin had never mentioned Julia throwing him to Reynard. Again, he thought of Quentin’s commendable capacity for forgiveness. 

“It’s not the same as when we were possessed.” Julia’s voice shook. 

“That doesn’t mean you can blame yourself for this. You _never_ would’ve done it if you’d had your shade. You just got done comforting Alice for the same exact thing.” 

“This is different.” 

“It really isn’t.” 

“It _is_ different,” Alice said. “At least you didn’t yell all of his insecurities in his face, knowing it would hurt him.” 

Eliot sighed. “Do we really need to rehash the bit where that wasn’t you, either, already?” 

Alice glared at him. “I get that now. I’m just making a point. Besides, it was my fault just as much as it was yours, Julia. You only did that because I made a deal with you.” 

“We really don’t need to get into a contest over who made him the most miserable.” Eliot said, fearing that it was a contest that he could win. 

Julia took a fortifying breath. “Two down. Just one more go and then we get to see Quentin.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll do my best to get Eliot's chapter out as soon as I can, but September is a rough month for me, so it might be a little bit longer. But I did say the same on tumblr about this chapter, so who knows!! Your guess is as good as mine. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. <3
> 
> EDIT: I made a playlist for the fic! [Check it out here!](https://kingquentin.tumblr.com/post/629057742419705856/listen-here-read-here)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for Eliot being a lil biphobic in a memory. :( Sorry about it. I'm bi myself, so it hurt to write lmao. I hope this was worth the wait. <3

“Well, here goes nothing,” Eliot said shakily.

Alice crossed her arms under her chest, setting her face to her usual stoic, challenging expression. Eliot knew that he had no chance of steeling himself as well as she seemed to be attempting to. 

Julia tried to give him a reassuring smile. “You’ve got this.” He could see the curious anxiety on her face, and he couldn’t blame her for wanting to know how the hell he’d had a stronger influence on her lifelong best friend than she had. 

Quentin’s best memories of Eliot began to manifest. 

_Quentin turned the corner to the backyard of the Physical Kids Cottage. He paused to watch Eliot and Margo joking around as Eliot lit the barbecue before noticing him. “Quentin!” he called, making Quentin smile._

_Eliot knelt before Quentin, both of them with tears in their eyes. “I hereby dub thee High King Eliot the Spectacular,” Quentin said, as he solemnly placed the crown onto Eliot’s head._

_Quentin and Eliot sat on a quilt on top of the mosaic, drinking together in the torchlight. “Happy anniversary, Q.” Eliot said, raising his mug to Quentin’s in a toast. “To our first and last year at this thing.” They took a drink, and Quentin turned to Eliot as they sat their mugs down._

_“Hey.”_

_“Hey.” Eliot smiled._

_“I, um…” Quentin stammered, then leaned forward to kiss Eliot chastely. He smiled shyly at him as he pulled away._

_Eliot covered Quentin’s hand on the blanket with his own as he leaned in, biting his lip and bringing his left hand up to hold Quentin’s neck as he kissed him more purposefully._

“I knew it,” Julia said. “I _knew_ something must’ve happened between the two of you.” 

Alice clenched her jaw, then exhaled shakily. “At least now I know how you felt watching my memories,” she said, shooting Eliot a wary glance. 

He chuckled nervously. “Yeah, um, you might want to prepare yourself….” 

Before Alice had a chance to respond, Memory Eliot was holding baby Teddy in his tiny blanket bundle for the first time, gazing down at him in adoration. 

“Holy shit,” Julia gasped. 

“You had a kid?” Alice asked in disbelief. 

“Yeah,” Eliot said so quietly they almost couldn’t hear it. “We did. His name was Teddy.” They had hardly even started and he already felt like the floodgates were about to open. He had gotten used to the near constant ache of missing their son, but seeing him again? Seeing their family all together for the first time after so long? It was almost too much to bear. The only thing keeping him from trying to physically run from whatever magical room or pocket dimension they were in was the knowledge that Alice and Julia had both already felt something akin to this. That they _needed_ to do this if they wanted a chance to bring Quentin back to life. 

“You named him after Ted. He would have loved that,” Julia smiled. “But how…?” 

“Q had a wife,” Eliot answered, causing both of the women with him to physically startle. “Yeah,” he laughed at their disbelieving reactions. “Her name was Arielle. She was so good to us. So good _for_ us. She was never afraid to put us in our place and tell us when we were being idiots,” he smiled fondly. “She was such a good mom, too. I wish Teddy had more time with her. We lost her a few years in, and it was the hardest thing imaginable.” 

Quentin stood in the doorway as he watched Eliot singing softly to Teddy, trying to soothe him to sleep. 

Eliot lifted Teddy into the air as a baby, played with him as a toddler, asked his opinion on patterns for the mosaic as a child. There were so many glimpses of Teddy and Eliot, either seemingly alone with Quentin watching over them. It was like they were seeing a montage of Teddy’s entire childhood, and all of the sweet moments they had together, as a couple and as a complete family with Arielle. 

The scene before them stabilized. Quentin and Eliot were standing together underneath a floral arch, dressed in their best clothes, finally making things official. There was a small gathering of the friends they’d made in neighboring villages throughout their few years at the mosaic so far. 

“You got married,” Julia said softly, tears in her eyes, as she turned to Eliot. “You and Quentin were _married_.” 

“Q,” Memory Eliot said softly. “I am so in love with you.” He gently held Quentin’s face in his hands, stroking his cheek with his thumb as he stared into his equally teary eyes. “No matter what happens, I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.” 

Quentin laughed shakily. “Me too, El. I love you, too.” He pressed their foreheads together. “I really am the luckiest man alive.” 

“Kiss him!” Teddy yelled from a few feet away, wiggling in his seat in the way all toddlers did. 

Eliot grinned as he reached down for Quentin’s hand, pulling him even closer to him as he leaned in to give his new husband a heartfelt kiss. 

Their wedding and reception had been the talk of the village for weeks. Even years later, people would mention how great of a time had been had by all at the Coldwater-Waugh wedding. 

Alice was eerily quiet, staring at the spot that the wedding arch had occupied for a few moments after the memory dissolved. Her hands were clenched at her sides. 

Eliot exhaled shakily as Julia turned her tear stained face towards him. “I thought Margo stopped this timeline from happening? How do you remember it?” she asked. 

“I have no idea. Magic is weird like that,” he said, trying for a dismissive tone. “Don’t look at me like that.” He didn’t want to hear whatever she was about to say, most likely to console him. He didn’t think he deserved comfort. Not right now. Not when he had a good idea about the shit they were about to see. 

Alice took a deep breath and flexed her hands. She pursed her lips but didn’t say anything. Eliot wasn’t looking forward to the moment she finally gathered her thoughts on everything she’d just witnessed. He knew from experience that it was hard for her to have to see all of this. 

Their surroundings started to change again. Eliot closed his eyes and sighed. There was no way to prepare himself for this. 

_“We can’t just throw away all this time we’ve invested. You want to live your life, live it here.” “What is that supposed to mean?” “You know exactly what that means.”_

“I’m just saying, you should give it a shot, Q. She obviously likes you and you’ll be a lot happier with someone you’re actually attracted to.” This argument was a few days after the previous memory. It had been a really rough week for them. 

Quentin’s entire body tensed. He turned to face Eliot slowly. “What the fuck do you mean by that?” he asked, barely able to contain his anger. 

Eliot sighed. “You’re not gay, Quentin. She’s a woman, and I know you like her. You should be sleeping with her instead of me.” 

_“Fuck you_ , Eliot.” 

“Come on, Q, it’s not that seri-“ 

“ _Not that serious?_ You have got to be joking.” Quentin put his face in his hands as he inhaled sharply. “Do you have any idea how hurtful all of your stupid little comments about my sexuality are?” He turned the full force of his glare back to Eliot. 

“I really don’t see how pointing out your heterosexuality is hurtful, but okay.” 

“I’m fucking bi, Eliot!” Quentin exploded. “Which you somehow _still_ don’t understand even though we’ve been fucking for over a year!” He threw down their notepad and stormed off into the woods, not giving Eliot a chance to respond. 

“Ouch,” Julia winced. 

“Are you kidding me?” Alice looked at Eliot incredulously. “He hooked up with you, Eliot. Way before this.” 

“In my defense,” Eliot started weakly, before Julia cut him off. “Nope! Uh uh. We’re moving on. I cannot handle biphobia on top of everything else right now,” she said. 

_“Go be life-partners with someone else for a little bit.”_

“ _Jesus_ ,” Julia said. “Did you really say that? After you were literally married?” 

“It was supposed to be a joke,” Eliot said, closing his eyes and sighing. “Just a dumb joke. I was trying to make things less weird between us.” 

“I don’t think you were very successful with that,” Alice said primly. 

“Yeah, no shit.” 

_Quentin turned around just in time to see Eliot pointing the gun with the god-killing bullet at the Monster. “Eliot, NO!”_

Alice looked uncomfortable, no doubt remembering her own part in the shitshow that immediately followed that. 

_Eliot was dead, his head leaned against Margo’s in the wellspring._

_His golem was dead on the floor of the bank._

_He was bleeding out on the forest floor as Margo screamed his name._

_Eliot was dead in his favorite chair on the edge of the mosaic, eyes still open._

_“Eliot,” Quentin said, disbelievingly._ “No.” He walked over to Eliot’s body, slowly moving to his knees, his breath coming increasingly faster and wetter. “No, no, no,” he whimpered, pressing his forehead to Eliot’s. He stayed there a moment, crying, before he pressed his lips to Eliot’s forehead in one final kiss, then pulled his glasses off so that he could close his eyes. “I love you,” he said softly, gasping for breath. He put his hand over Eliot’s still heart as he stood up. “Forever.” 

Quentin wept as he slowly buried him, all alone. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Eliot said around the lump in his throat. Quentin had seen him die violently so many times, but of course this would be his worst memory. His husband dying after an entire lifetime spent together. Eliot allowed himself to wonder for the first time how long after him Quentin had died. He had only outlived Quentin once in this timeline, and he was barely holding it together. He actually wasn’t holding it together at all. How had Quentin actually _witnessed_ his death more than once, and lived god knows how long without him? 

“Fifty years,” Alice said. She turned to Eliot, frowning at him with furrowed brows. He could see the tears in her eyes, although her voice was steady. “When you broke free that day in the park, you said ‘fifty years’ to him. _This_ is what you were talking about.” Eliot nodded. 

“He was so old,” Julia said in a tiny voice as she watched Quentin bury Eliot until the memory finally faded. “He deserved to live for that long again.” 

“At least it’s finally over with,” Eliot said, taking a deep breath as he gathered himself. “Now we just have to figure out how we’re actually supposed to find Quentin, so we can make sure he lives long enough to die of old age.” 

As he started to turn away, his surroundings changed again. He whipped his head around, and his blood ran cold as the scene before him made him think for a moment that he was trapped inside of his own head again. 

“What could possibly be worse than that?” Julia asked miserably. 

_Quentin and Eliot sat under Margo’s wedding arch in the throne room of Castle Whitespire._

Eliot would rather do almost anything than have to watch this memory play out a second time. 

_“Did it happen?”_

_“Fifty years.”_

_“It happened.”_

_“It was sort of beautiful.”_

_“It really was.”_

_“I know this sounds dumb, but us. We -- You know, think about it. Like, we - we work.” Quentin stammered. “And we know it ‘cause we’ve lived it. Who gets that kind of proof of concept?” he asked earnestly._

_Eliot leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “We were just injected with a half-century of emotion, so I get that maybe you’re not thinking clearly.” He said dismissively._

_“No, I’m just saying, what if we.... gave it a shot? I mean, would that be crazy?” Eliot wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Why the fuck not? I....”_

_“I know you, and you... aren’t...”_

_“What’s the matter?”_

_“Don’t be naive. It matters. Q, come on. I love you, but... you have to know that that’s not me and that’s definitely not you, not when... not when we have a choice.”_

_“Okay. I…” Quentin finally looked away from Eliot. “Okay. Sorry, I...” he said, wiping a tear from his eye._

Eliot eventually left, saying he needed to get some rest so that he could help Margo deal with her current predicament. Quentin was left sitting under the wedding arch alone. He sighed deeply as soon as Eliot was out of sight, and curled further and further into himself as he put his face in his hands and started to let out gut-wrenching sobs. 

It seemed like just yesterday that Eliot was watching this memory from his own perspective, and that had been torture enough - but to see it from Quentin’s? To be able to do nothing but watch as Quentin hunched further into himself as Eliot walked away? Getting stabbed in the abdomen by Margo’s axes felt like nothing compared to the pain of watching Quentin sob because of _him_. To know for certain now that he had broken Quentin’s heart. That Quentin had been wholeheartedly genuine when he asked to be with Eliot. _That Quentin was in love with him._ Or at least, he had been. And Eliot had ruined the chance of being happy for both of them. 

Eliot took a deep breath, trying to get his emotions under control. He didn’t want to turn around and face Julia and Alice, but he knew he had to. 

“He wanted to be with you again,” Julia said, watching Eliot carefully. He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. “And you turned him down.”  
  
“I did.” Eliot swallowed nervously. 

“Jesus, you basically divorced him, Eliot. Right after remembering you were married and in love for an entire lifetime.” Julia sighed. “No wonder he was acting so weird those last few weeks of the quest.” 

_No wonder he tried to strand himself far away from me for eternity,_ Eliot thought. 

“I just don’t understand.” Alice cut in, doing her best to keep her voice steady. “If he remembered all of that, if he’s so in love with you, here, in this timeline, why did he ask me to get back together with him?” 

“He was in a really bad place, Alice,” Julia said softly. 

“That doesn’t make it fair to me. _None_ of this is fair to me. I’m helping get him back just so he can break up with me.” 

Eliot wanted to tell her that none of this was about her. That arguing over who deserved what didn’t matter until after they’d successfully gotten Quentin back. But he just didn’t have the energy for it. “He chose you, Alice. He wanted to be with you. To give it another shot.” 

Alice laughed harshly at his choice of wording. “He told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. And he basically told me he was settling for disappointment when he asked to be together again.” She shook her head. “Why the hell did I agree to that? I deserve better than being someone’s last resort.” 

Julia reached for Alice’s hand. “You absolutely do, there’s no denying that. But he needed you, Alice. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked to be a couple again, but you were basically all he had left. Can you blame him for latching on the only way he knew how?” 

“He asked me to be with him and then he made me watch him kill himself, Julia.” 

“You did it, too. You made him watch you die when you fought the Beast.” Eliot pointed out. 

“That was different.” 

“Was it?” Eliot scoffed. 

“ _Yes_! Because I didn’t _want_ to die! I was doing what I had to!” 

Eliot wanted to crawl out of his skin. “Isn’t that what he did, too?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer. 

“He had time to get out, Eliot. Quentin stopped running. He didn’t _have_ to die. It wasn’t some heroic sacrifice.” Alice said. “Margo said she would tell you.” 

Eliot looked at the ground, unable to meet her eyes. ”She did,” he said quietly. 

“Why _did_ you reject him?” Julia said after a moment, looking at Eliot. 

Alice raised an eyebrow at him. Shit. Was she really sassing him for turning down her ex and current boyfriend? 

“That’s a good question,” another voice said timidly from behind them. “I’d like to know as well.” 


	5. Chapter 5

“Q?” Eliot gasped.

“Shit,” Quentin said, eyes wide. “You can see me?” 

“Quentin!” Julia said, flinging herself towards him. She hugged him desperately, and the sounds of her crying filled the room. 

“Hey Jules,” Quentin smiled shakily as she pulled away, fixing his hair as she always did. 

“You’re really here,” Julia said in amazement, her voice so soft. She held his face as she gazed at him for a moment longer. 

Alice stepped forward hesitantly. Julia pulled away to give them space, and Alice hugged Quentin fiercely, as well. “Have you been here the entire time?” 

“Uh huh,” he nodded, looking everywhere but at Eliot. He swallowed nervously. “Hades said you were trying to resurrect me. He said that if I watched with you I would get to decide if I wanted to come back or not. I didn’t realize he would make it so you couldn’t see or hear me during it, though.” He gestured at the room around them. 

“Please never make us have to go through that again.” Julia said. “I don’t think I could survive losing you forever, and Hades said this was our one shot at bringing you back.”  


“Like you wouldn’t find a way to storm the Underworld again anyway.” Quentin smiled. “You both always loved a good challenge.” 

Alice laughed despite herself. Julia reached out for Quentin’s hands. “I’m serious, Quentin. I love you so much.” 

“I love you too, Jules. I’m sorry, I just… I guess I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten. Everything was so terrible for so long, I was completely numb by the end. I don’t think I did it consciously.” Quentin took a deep breath. “Everything kept going wrong, in the worst ways, and we were finally at the end, and things were supposed to be over, and then Everett was there, and…. And when I fixed the mirror, and it went bad, I just. It happened so fast, and I was so tired. I couldn’t keep going. I couldn’t make my body keep running.” 

Julia wrapped her arms around Quentin’s shoulders again, pulling him close. 

“ _Q_ ,” Eliot said again. He had stayed back, not wanting to interrupt, and feeling like he didn’t deserve the heartfelt reunion that Quentin was having with the others. But the distance from Quentin felt like torture, especially while listening to him describe his emotional state leading up to his death. 

Quentin finally met his eyes. He stood there staring at him for a moment, lip trembling and on the verge of crying. “El,” he looked like he was about to say more, but rushed forward instead, throwing his arms around Eliot’s neck. “It’s so fucking good to see you,” his voice wavered. 

Eliot never wanted to let go of him. He hugged him tight around the middle and turned his face into Quentin’s hair. He still smelled the same. “I can’t believe you’re really here.” 

Quentin laughed wetly as he started to pull away. “Shouldn’t that be my line?” 

“I’m not the one who died.” 

“Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly have it on good authority that you’d survived.” He kept staring at Eliot’s face in disbelief, like he was the greatest thing he had ever laid eyes on. _How the fuck can he still look at me like that after everything I put him through? After everything the Monster did?_ Eliot thought. 

Alice studied Quentin and Eliot for a moment before coming to a decision. “Quentin, can we talk?” 

Eliot pulled away from Quentin immediately, taking a few steps back. Julia touched his arm. “We’ll just give you two some privacy,” she said softly, pulling Eliot as far away from the couple as she could. Eliot’s heart was in his throat as he followed her, keeping his back turned when they stopped walking. He really didn’t want to see them having a more intimate reunion. 

“I’m really sorry, Alice,” Quentin started, eyebrows tilted up in sorrow. “You’re right, you did deserve better. You _do_ deserve better. I shouldn’t have put you through all of that.” 

Alice sniffled quietly. “You shouldn’t have. But thank you,” she said, “for apologizing. I hate that you made me watch you die, but I do want you in my life, Quentin. I wouldn’t have helped do this if I didn’t. I just hope we can be proper friends someday.” Neither of them needed to say the word ‘breakup’ out loud for them to know that that was what was happening. For maybe the first time ever, they were finally on the same page. 

“I would love that,” Quentin said, so earnestly it was impossible to disbelieve. “You’re important to me. I care about you so much, and I promise, I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure I never hurt you again.” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. This is _you_ we’re talking about, Q.” She tried to keep a serious face but a small smile broke through at the end. “Don’t get me wrong, you really hurt me. And we never should have gotten back together. We were never going to be right for each other, and we shouldn’t have tried to force it. It’s going to take some time for us to go back to normal, whatever that is for us now. But I want to be happy for you, Q. I think a part of me always knew that you were falling in love with him, even when we were together. And seeing all of your memories…. He was really good for you.” 

Quentin looked past her to Eliot. “He really was. When he managed to pull his head out of his ass.” 

Alice snorted. “Good luck with that.” She smiled at Quentin and hugged him again, for a moment longer this time, before walking over to Eliot and Julia. 

“He’s all yours.” Alice said. 

Eliot blinked at her dumbly for a moment. “What?” 

“Go talk to him.” Julia nudged his arm. “I think we all know you’re the one who has to convince him to come back with us.” 

“What if I fuck it up?” Eliot asked. 

“Just be honest with him for once and you won’t, trust me. Now go,” Alice said, giving him a small smile. Eliot felt like he was in a bizarro world. What the fuck was happening, honestly? Was Alice _rooting_ for him? He’d been so sure, no, so scared that she and Quentin would stay together after everything was said and done, but that didn’t seem to be the case. 

Eliot’s heart felt like it was beating out of his chest as he made his way over to Quentin. He had so much he wanted to say to him, to ask him, but he had no idea where to start. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. 

“Why didn’t you say something, Q? I had no idea how badly I hurt you,” Eliot said, knowing that Quentin would know exactly when he meant. 

“You said no, Eliot. I wanted to respect that.” Quentin looked down at the ground. “The harder I fought for Alice, the further I pushed her away. I didn’t want to push you away, too. I’m not gonna lie, it was fucking painful, but I was so happy that I still got to have you in my life. That you were _alive_ again.” Quentin’s eyes were full of tears again as he brought his gaze back to Eliot’s. “I was at the mosaic for _years_ after you died, El. So to just, like, suddenly be back in our younger bodies again? And have you there with me? You were alive, and you were still my friend, and that was all that mattered. I would’ve gotten over it eventually.” Quentin said. He almost looked like he believed it. 

“I was afraid, and I lied to you, and you died thinking I didn’t love you. I hate myself for making you think that, Q. Of course I did, I _do._ I never thought I could love anything as much as I love you.” 

Quentin looked dumbfounded for a second. “What?” he asked a little wetly. 

“ _I’m in love you_ ,” Eliot said, leaning down to press his forehead to Quentin’s, “I love you more than anything in the fucking world.” 

Quentin pulled back a little, and the most radiant smile Eliot had ever seen broke out across his face. It was a little watery, but it was beautiful. 

“I love you, too,” Quentin said softly, reaching up to push Eliot’s hair behind his ear. It was a little strange for it to be happening in reverse, but it was comforting all the same. 

“Why did you stop running?” Eliot asked after a moment, barely audible. He had overheard what Quentin said earlier, but he couldn’t stop the question from passing through his lips. 

“Julia was right, I was in a really bad place,” Quentin said, taking a deep breath. “I still am. All of that didn’t just go away because I died. And it’s not gonna magically go away now that, you know.” He gestured between them. 

Eliot cupped his face in his hands. “We’ll find you the best possible magical therapist. And a muggle one if you need it. We’ll do everything we can to get you the help you need.” 

“Okay.” Quentin nodded. 

“And please, _god_ , please talk to us when things are starting to get bad. Any of us. We’ll all be there for you, Q, I promise. No more assuming you’re fine. We’ll all check in with you so much you’ll start to hate us a little.” 

“I guess going to see everyone else would be a good place to start.” 

Eliot pulled back a little. “You’re coming with us? Really?” 

“Yeah,” Quentin nodded, “of course I am, El. How could I not?” He took a fortifying breath. “I saw the bonfire. Before, at the Seam, I… I really thought I didn’t want to be here anymore. But when I saw you at my funeral, I really, _really_ didn’t want to leave.” 

Eliot laughed wetly. “Okay. Let’s go.” 

“Just one more thing,” Quentin said. He leaned forward onto his tiptoes to press a kiss to Eliot’s lips. Eliot immediately wrapped his arms around Quentin’s waist and kissed him deeper. 

Eliot knew they had a lot of work to do. There were so many bridges in their group that needed mending, and probably all of them actually needed a hell of a lot of therapy. Magic was still fucked, the library still needed to be dealt with, and the hedges desperately needed help. But with Quentin’s hand in his, as they walked back to the rest of their band of unlikely friends calling out in surprise and triumph, he knew they would be alright eventually. They were together, and that was all that mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Every kudos and comment and anon has meant so much to me. This is the first time I've ever attempted a chaptered fic, and I really hope it's a satisfying end for all of you. <3

**Author's Note:**

> The comment that Hades makes about forcing them to listen to songs that describe how Q really feels about each of them is what originally inspired this fic. It randomly popped into my mind when I was falling asleep one night, and voila! Here we are. I decided not to include the music because that would've just pushed it into crack territory, imo. But I'll leave you with the songs that would've played if I had let Hades be a troll.
> 
> Julia: Friends by E^ST  
> Alice: Tell Me How by Paramore  
> Eliot: All I Want by Kodaline
> 
> Let's see if I actually manage to continue this. Thanks as always to James and Sarah (and Eliot as well!) for the encouragement and letting me yell about my dumb ideas.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @kingquentin!


End file.
